Looking for a serious, committed relationship but keep finding casual situations, need advice?

Question

I'm a middle-aged attractive lady, I've been on two different date sites for over a year now. I seem to be attracting men who only want friends with benefits or strictly hookups. I am looking for a more serious, committed relationship. I had pictures posted on my profile before (some were slightly risque) but I have since changed them because I had some guys inquire about my pictures. Even though I toned that down and have different pictures now, I still get men seeking a very casual situation.

One guy a while back, it turned out that I was his side woman. He had somebody from another country that he was supposed to marry. Guys seem to become upset with me when I say I want something more serious. I've indicated clearly what I am looking for on my profile. I am not in a financial situation to go on a paid site, that's why I chose to go on two free sites.

What can I do to attract guys who want a dating relationship?

Answer 1

make sure you are clear on what you are looking for and if they are NOT interested on the same they need to move on, also remember that on free dating sites there is going to be a lot of guys that are just looking for a easy way to hook up, just letting them know in advance, you did a good thing changing your pictures to a more conservative ones, so if any one reach out is not going to be just because the risky pictures, good luck sunshine you do sound like a catch to me.

Answer 2

You have to keep looking and dating. I'm over 50 and all most guys want is casual/sexual. They'll go on dates, want sex but beyond that no. Most seem to have been there done that with long-term relationships/marriage, etc.



I'm particular, not looking for an instant relationship with someone. Some guys do happen to be seeking a potential relationship, but the key word here is "potential". I'm not attracted to everyone and even when i am, it takes time to discover if we are compatible with someone.



You may also want to try the social website, Meetup.com. It's not a dating site, but you have opportunity to meet a lot of people. Meetup has groups who are interested in doing things together/sharing like interests. I have done a lot of hiking groups, some after work appetizers or a drink get-together for people in my age group, art groups and a few discussion groups. I've made a couple of new friends. And while it's not exactly a dating site, you never know who you're going to meet.



Just have fun!

Answer 3

Join a local service club like Kiwanis or Rotary or be an "independent" member of your local Chamber of Commerce. The more you become involved in your LOCAL community, the more likely you will meet or be introduced to single men of value who have incomes and ties into the community and things in common with you and who would like to date you, work by your side volunteering and actually get to know you.

Answer 4

Hi, Nancy,



There really can be love for couples in the middle-aged years, I know two people who did that. First, I have a friend whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack. It was crushing for her, but she managed to find a wonderful man she met at her church. They married and are extremely happy together. My mother and father divorced when I was in high school. She was a lonely forty-five-year-old divorcee—not exactly the type of woman men would race after. However, when I was in college, she met a super nice guy who worked in her building. She decided to pursue him and get to know him. They married a year later. So it’s quite possible that you can find Mr. Right somewhere around you.



I guess my point is that older people can find love. They can also find it without going to a dating site. Dating sites can work, if you go to one that specializes in your interests. One of my friends met her guy through a Christian dating site. They lived several hours away from each other, Skyped and sometimes got together, then married a year after they met. My brother got a divorce from his wife and met his current wife on a dating site. So not all dating sites are for hookups, nor are all people who go to them interested in a hookup.



As for what you will need to do: Make sure you specify that you are looking for a serious relationship ONLY. It wouldn’t hurt to mention that they should not bother contacting you if they are interested in a hook-up. While some people won’t abide by your requests, I believe that some will. You will have to carefully weed out the ones who aren’t serious. There are sites out there that seem to be for hookups and nothing more you want to avoid those.



Although I’m married, if I were looking for a nice guy who would provide me with a true relationship I’d go to a site like Christian Mingle. If you’re not religious, Google non-hookup dating sites. I just perused the Internet and found a few. Good luck!



https://www.tomsguide.com/us/pictures-story/639-best-dating-apps.html#s7

Answer 5

I found quality guys when I was pursuing activities that I enjoyed. That naturally brought out the best in me and I was around other like minded people. I think if you pursue activities where you are "judged' for your ability and your personality as opposed to how you look or how photogenic you are, you'll attract more quality people.

That being said, I met my current husband at my local grocery store, so my other piece of advice is to be open to dating guys you might not think of as dating material.

Answer 6

nothing...you need to weed through the responders and try to see a good guy...unfortunately apps like tinder draw guys that either want to cheat or just do casual..