Guys: Why has he changed his tone?

Question

After my divorce 2 years ago, I reconnected with an old friend. I sent him an email, and he responded well, but asked me to email him at work because his wife checks his home account. There has been nothing physical, and we have only occasionally gone beyond the normal "friend" level of conversation. In the last month, he has changed the tone of the emails, and seems to be serious about the possibility of us being more than friends. Usually, he backs down within a couple of days, but he isn't letting up this time. Do you think something changed in his homelife, or is this all just fun for him? We don't talk about his wife, because I knew it would make it hard for me to hear. I have always had feelings for him, but now I'm starting to believe he might feel the same way. I have no idea what is going on here, and I'm confused about how to handle it. Any advice?

Answer 1

He was probably conflicted because he KNOWS THIS IS WRONG.



Ahem. That's a hint.

Answer 2

Everybody needs a little spice in their lives. And nothing is more enticing than a new lover, especially if it's someone you never hooked up with, but may have had feelings for in the past.



Let's get serious. This guys is married. He has purposefully hidden your communications from his wife. He's gotten you to stretch your emotional boundaries (probably not hard to do considering your past feelings about him) in engaging in a clandestine email correspondence. Now he figures you're perhaps willing to do more than write about your feelings.



If this dude isn't showing you divorce papers, then I say it's nothing more than a passing affair he's interested in. And it's really your choice whether you get involved in a potentially hurtful and demeaning relationship with him or not. I mean, he's not promising you anything other than a little walk down "what if" lane, a little sexual fun. It's your trip to take if you want to, but I personally wouldn't waste the time.

Answer 3

As painful as it may be, I'm sorry to say that you really need to end this relationship. This is a lose-lose situation for you. Consider the possibilities...



1) You have an affair and he decides to stay with his wife --> You get a broken heart...



2) You have an affair and he decides to leave his wife -->

You get a guy who can't commit and is a cheater...



Keep in mind, this is just looking at things from your angle. Think about things from the perspective of your friend's wife and the pain that you'll be causing her. Not sure if your friend has children, but think about the impact to them...I know it's hard, but just end the relationship and find someone who is available and can devote themselves to you with a clear conscience. While it may be tempting to try to be "just friends", don't fall into that trap either...It's just going to cause the feelings that are already there to grow even stronger. Good luck and be strong!

Answer 4

I can answer this one from a guys perspective. I have been to this point before. I thought about cheating on my wife after 3 years with a friend that I liked all throughout highschool. She said she was intersested and I took the bait. Ultimately I decided that is was not worth losing my wife and kids over another woman! I don't know what might be going on at home but I think you need to ask him those questions before you break up a marriage. Just my homble opion.

Answer 5

The first question needs to go to you:

What did you intend when you "reconnected with an old friend?" Did you want to be friends? to be lovers? to break up his marriage? What were your expectations? Do not feign innocence here. You did not want to be just friends. If your intentions were "honorable," you would have emailed to his home. You expected or at least hoped for an "inappropriate" relationship.



Next you need to answer your desire for the next step:

Do you want to be "his lover" or to "break up his marriage?"



This is not about him. It is about you.

YOU initiated contact.

YOU maintained communication secret from his wife.

YOU avoided conversations about his wife.

YOU intended/hoped to get here. Why are you rationalizing now? If the benefit to you exceeds the pain to him and his wife, you should go forward. If not, run away.



=====================================



The real best answer to this is for you to GO OUT AND GET A DATE WITH A SINGLE MAN!



If 2 years after your divorce, playing "you've got mail" with a married man is the best you have done, you are not trying for a satisfying, fulfilling, life-long relationship. Examine yourself and your motives.

Answer 6

Dont be the other woman!!! If something in his home life has changed and he has reassessed his feelings for you then he needs to end the marriage before he starts something with you. If this is not what he wants to do then all he really wants is some fun and distraction - do you want to be that?

Answer 7

Your new and tempting to him. He is giving you double messages so he doesn't have to take the blame if somethng does happen. The man is married and is going to stay that way. Save yourself a whole lot of heartbreak and cut him of now, or you'll feel like cutting IT OFF later.

Answer 8

Advice? If he is married, you really should not be e-mailing him, knowing that you have feelings for him. If he was not married, I would say e-mail away. However, if he is married, you need not to be a home wrecker. Yes, he may feel something for him and vise versa, but do you want to be the source of his divorce?

Answer 9

look. maybe he has been having trouble with his wife and wants an alternative form of love, or just like knowing that someone is attracted to him.

or he may actually have serious feelings for you. sorry I'm so vague but more info would help.

Answer 10

your friend might be his wife on the email, she is trying to treack you and find out the real truth about the relationship between you and her husband

Answer 11

thier probably has been some troubles at home, and he has a wife so dont let him cheat with you. Its not right

Answer 12

They have a word for that HOMEWRECKER. You should leave him alone until or when he leaves his wife.

Answer 13

looserzzzzz