Am I the Asshole?

Question

Three months ago I got a new job. Everything is awesome love working there. Made new friends. One friend in particular her name is Shay. She is 4 years younger than me and just so happens to be going through a tough time. her mom was milking her dry with rent costing 600 a month for just a bedroom and her mom was constantly asking for extra money. So she ended up finding a place of her own and moved out. I let her stay with me until she found a place. I have fed her countless times. When I leave work she will beg me to go get her something to eat and say she will pay back. Which granted she did the first few times. All this is ok. But as soon as she moved out i told her I needed a break. I didnt tell her my true feelings which is I feel like we've only known eachother for a few months and shes constantly asking me for help. Sooo today I got off at 1 pm and was stoked to be able to get some things done. But then... I go to the break room and shes sitting there all puffy eyed and in her pajamas and asked if I could give her a ride to this mechanic who is working on her car then to her place. I said ok, but I needed to go to target first. So we go to target she said she forgot her purse at work. Go back to work, she gets her purse. Go to the mechanic then on her way to her house shes looking through her stuff. She looks at me and asks if we can just go to my house. I said what for? She said she forgot her house keys at work. I was sooooo done. But didn't show it.

Answer 1

To use reddit terms since this reads like it should be on the Am I The Asshole subreddit: NTA. You are not the asshole. She's the one in the wrong for using you. If you're guilty of anything here it's having a good heart and being taken shameless advantage of her by her.

Answer 2

No. This girl is MILKING you.



I suggest you back off the relationship and try to keep it about work. I don’t think her mom is milking her, I suspect she is some sort of narcissist working her claws into you.



Be busy. Don’t be afraid to say “No, I can’t do that.” Or just “No, thanks.”



You don’t need to explain or justify, just “no”.



Frank is right, the word is USER.

Answer 3

If you have to ask the question then maybe

Answer 4

Just reading that was exhausting. She must be really hot or something.

Answer 5

she sounds very irresponsible and aint' nobody got time for that.

Answer 6

You will be killed off

Answer 7

sounds like she's taking advantage of your kind heart*....Time for her to have a reality check...meaning...don't always be her knight n shinning armour..the one who is always there to pickup her pieces when she's in shambles*....she sounds very irresponsible and is acting the same way towards you as her mum did with her...from now on let her know ...Sorry you're busy*....sorry you don't have any money she can borrow...tell her everytime she has some drama story...that you're not able to help as ur busy*...she'll get the mssg* or just come straight out n tell her the next time she's wanting more n more from you..that you are NOT in a position to be doing this all the time to HELP HER OUT*...ur on a budget n need to stick with it..u have bills also*.........and just STOP doing stuff for her everytime she sheds a tear*..she KNOWS you'll cave in and give her whatever it is she's needing at the time*..Enough is Enough Now*..be firm but make sure she gets the point/mssg that YOU ARE NOT AND WILL NOT BE THE ONE TO ALWAYS BAIL HER OUT OF HER TROUBLES*....but NO ...YOU are NOT the asshole*

Answer 8

Nope! Your not an As*hole but unless you're at least getting a little Sex out of it once in a while your definitely getting played for a Sucker!

Answer 9

You are not, it isn't your responsibility to run her life, let her figure these things out on her own.

You don't owe her anything, you have done enough.

Answer 10

Nope. She is a USER just like her mommy. Stop the madness and just make a list of excuses why you can’t help her any more. She is not your friend. You owe her nothing.

Answer 11

I think you should have sex with shay

Answer 12

No You Not an *** hole...I think she might be going through some abuse or threats .from someone and she feels safe around you .

Since she trying by all means to stay away from her apartment. 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤔🤔i have a feeling

Answer 13

I would start distancing yourself away from her if I was you. She will just end up using you for everything, and don't be grateful in the end, she will expect you to do things for her without question, then soon you wont be able to get rid of her

Answer 14

To me it sounds like this girl is quite immature and unable to stand on her own two feet. She sounds like she had come very depend on you and has crossed the boundries to start taking advantage of your good nature. 

Whether this is done intentionally or she is just very needy by nature either way its not healthy. Its draining to you both physically emotionally and financially and its doing no favours to her gaining her own independance. I would be honest with her and tell her you need a break. Take a step back or two and have some space. Explain to her that you are finding all her needs and demands to much and instead of feeling like you are complimenting each other and enjoying the relationship but instead you are feeling like she is a leech around your neck..... 

You could ask her to move out and take some responsibility and still see her occasionally but if you feel that even then she is still taking advantage then I would probabily call it a day. I know you say her mum was over charging her for the bedroom but if she didnt want to pay that, there are other options...she could rent a room in a shared accomodation or look for a cheap flat or something. 

Good Luck with whatever you decide to do

Answer 15

She is really confused and there maybe someone bothering her... someone is messing in her life. Talk to her about why her life is so sloppy and offer advice how to get it together.

Answer 16

She is using you, just as she used her parents (She probably rarely paid thst $600}

Answer 17

Sounds like she's a major freeloader - cut ties immediately

Answer 18

I don’t think you are an asshole but if you really want to feel better; continue to help her.

Answer 19

No you are not, you barely even know this girl, you don't owe her anything. I thin its nice that you helped her the way you did considering you don't even really know her.

Answer 20

No, you are not, friend.

Answer 21

Sounds as if this girl is very needy. It might be a result of being drained financially and emotionally by her Mother.

However she is not your child. You need an equal partner on your level. Someone who can give and take, and show some consideration. She needs to stand on her own two feet otherwise you will be sucked dry. Some of the things she is asking you to do sound juvenile and are things she can certainly be doing for herself. You are not being fair to her or yourself. You stated " I was so done, but didn't show it" You are not being honest with her and you are just sucking up the "abuse" I don't know whether you love her or not. Maybe there is an agency in your area that teach people simple and basic life skills that she does not seem to have. At the end of the day you will have to release her and go your separate ways and you can find a girl who is worthy of you. No I don't think you are an asshole at all. You sound like a nice person who is being sucked dry by a vulture. Cut the cord and move on.

Answer 22

why do u think her Mom asks her for rent??

Answer 23

you dont owe her anything. just let it go and walka way

Answer 24

She's toxic...but you're the one allowing it.

Answer 25

NO U CAN LET HER GO ANYTIME U WISH...FIND A PISCES WOMAN...WE HAVE COMPASSION AND I AM GOOD WITH $ TOO...GOOD LUCK.

Answer 26

You're a soft mark and she knows it. I think she may have learned how to milk people for all they're worth from her mam. If that story wasn't a load of bs she told you...



You need to stop being such a pushover. I mean even when you were "so done" you didnt show it. You need to stop hiding stuff like that. Theres a big difference between quietly being done, and letting her know you're done.



She doesn't realise you're done with her, so she will land you with another task, and I'm sorry to say, but from the way you wrote this question and the info you gave, I'm 99% sure you wont have the balls to tell her no.

Answer 27

Not an asshole, just too soft. If you keep catering to her, she'll just keep asking. Once she realizes you are serious about not helping she'll be forced to get her act together. Good luck. You sound like a very caring person.

Answer 28

She gets all puffy eyed, because it works with you.



Set some guidelines with her and stick to them. Otherwise she will keep asking things from you.

Answer 29

She's using you brother kick her out and dont pursue her

Answer 30

I can see by the way you wrote your question that you are just not up to the mark. Sorry bro.

Answer 31

Just put your food down, and ask what is going on, as you also have a life, and we all have our troubles. Unless it is a good excuse then she has to swim on her own.

Answer 32

Morgan, you be the FOOL. You should never have interfered with such a person, having issues with her own parent. Apples don't fall FAR from trees. Like millions of Americans, you believe that at heart everyone is a sweetheart like on television, all Andy Griffiths and Leave it to Beavers and Father Knows Best and all that crap, which they are NOT. The daughter of a crazy dysfunctional mother is likely to be crazy also, and she latched onto you as her "rescuer", but she had the mother she deserved. Now she keeps the constant chaos whirling so you can never catch your breath or even scrape your mind together as you go haring around after forgotten purses with a grown woman everyone else in town sees you running around with in her pajamas. When my poor mother was DYING of cancer and going in for radiation and chemo treatments, she still did her hair and make-up and got dressed nicely just to go to Oncology. THAT is self-respect. She was a LADY. This piece of garbage you have hooked up with has you halfway to a marriage with her already and you are the gormless "nice guy" driving around with a low class baggage who showed up at work in her pajamas for gosh sakes and forgets her purse and then wants to go to your place because she has latched onto you. Glam'ed on like a LEECH and a BLOODSUCKER. She will drag you down.

Answer 33

I would tell her that she can stay at your place if she gives you a blowj*b every night

Answer 34

No. You're not an asshole. You need to learn to tell her no.

Don't let her manipulate her. She is a bottomless pit of neediness,

and you are not her keeper.

Answer 35

She is taking advantage of your kind nature.



This person will always have a problem. You have to distance yourself from her.



Don't be a dumping ground for other people's garbage.



I had a similar situation to yours and this person stayed with me for 3 days. I said "where are you staying tonight cos you cannot stay here".

She only phoned me once after that and I hung up. She got the message.



These people will use you like a sponge and soak you dry.

Answer 36

yes you are I hope you realize it

Answer 37

I think not.

Why do you feel so?



What is all her forgetfulness about?

What's going on?

Does she like you?

Like like?

Does she want you to live with her or vice versa?

What is on her mind?



Was her car actually getting repaired?



Why did she want to go to your place?

Maybe she doesn't want to be alone.

I had a gf like that.

Until I caught her cheating.

I don't quite understand what is going on?

I mean between you and her?

Answer 38

As the saying goes "there's a sucker born every minute".

Answer 39

No, i think shes the asshole.

Answer 40

Asshole is my favorite word

but only when I lick it



lmfao

Answer 41

No you are not. You just need to learn how to set boundaries. That's a hard thing for many people, especially younger people. This is how we learn how to do it!

Answer 42

Nope that's abuse, I wouldn't like that at all.

Answer 43

Nope your not everyone makes mistakes and women just love to take advantage of people

Answer 44

You wanted to help but she took undue advantage. You need to reevaluate the situation and any feelings if you have for her and then decide the future course.

Answer 45

Nah, you ain't an asshole at all, sweet. You just wanna help, and Shay's taking the ******' piss!

Answer 46

It's very sad. But she may never be independent.