what is wrong with my dating profile?

Question

I am not getting any messages, I have had guys looking at my profile but very few people have actually contacted me if they are looking its not the photo,so is it whats written below?


When I am not on Guardian soulmates, I am reading, going out with friends(cinema, dinner and occasionally pub), going to science events, events on philosophy and doing something arty. At the moment I am exploring comedy within my reading as I tend to go for serious novels. I would like to meet someone with a similar love of literature whose second home is a bookshop (MPs need not apply). I have run a philosophy meetup and now help to run it, so if your the type of person who likes to talk about whether this table exists over dinner then maybe I am the right one for you.

At the moment I am a mature student I have done a masters and am doing a year at a university as a visiting student with the aim of pursuing a PhD in future.

She describes her ideal match thus:
I like a person with their own opinon who likes to debate.
Someone who
-takes turns to talk and to listen.
-wouldn't mind trying out new things such as bollywood dancing.
-is reasonably sporty


Whats good about this what could be left out and why? Thanks peeps for your time.

Answer 1

I think it's ok but here is what I would change:

This probably sounds really stupid, but although you are on a dating website where the men are also on the dating website, the try-too-hard versus play it cool game is still very much alive. So although you do want to meet someone, act like you're one of the cool kids and try to put across this idea of how great you are, without mentioning too much what you're looking for. The idea is to attract people to YOU, not to filter them out based on your criteria- you do that later by looking at their profile and by seeing what they write to you. So talk about you, not about your need or desire for a man, and don't use the cliche of "if you like... maybe I'm the right one for you."

They're still guys and you still have to play it cooler than that.

Instead of describing your ideal mate the way you did, I suggest something more general and without the slightly aggressive "takes turns to talk and listen" I would also leave out the bollywood dancing because,say a guy who loves trying new things but is not interested in dancing sees that, he may get put off and think he will be expected to specifically do that activity when bollywood dancing is probably not something really important to you. Try to only be specific about what is really a dealbreaker for you such as doesn't do drugs, likes dogs, likes to read etc.

So:

Enjoys a good debate

Good listener

Likes trying new things



Reasonably sporty doesn't mean anything definite- if you just want someone who is not a slob then write what you really mean.



So: Keep it simple, only go into detail where it is something important to you, and play it cool at first.

Also, it's not a cv so be a bit less formal- i know you say you like literature so you are trying to be true to that by writing properly, but some of it seemed like you were interviewing yourself!

Sorry I've gone into lots of details when really there isn't anything wrong with what you wrote, but if you're having trouble getting hits, maybe this could help.

Answer 2

I think you are sounding too academic and serious. Put about fun things you do, what you enjoy on dates because i'm not sure many men enjoy discussing the periodic table over lunch. I hope you don't find me harsh, as that is not what i'm going for! Just let loose and try to be yourself, your fun self. Maybe put a hint of flirting in? Good luck and i am SURE you will find someone soon!!





:) x

Answer 3

There is nothing glaringly obvious that is wrong with it, I just think it is all a bit too 'laid out'.



Keep it bright and breezy there is not really any descriptive things in it, like "I love curling up with a glass of wine and a nice book" or "I love to learn new things because I feel I get a great sense of achievement from it". I don't know if that is what you're after but I just think your profile is a bit 'matter of fact' spice it up, let them know why you do these things, what makes you tick.

Answer 4

Wow, do you actually have time for a date? you've listed lots and lots of different activities a bloke may think that's a bit much to contend with and is there space in you life for him! telling someone you like debate could be read as you being argumentative, don't tell them you're on guardian soulmates ALL the time either. good luck in your quest.

Answer 5

I think you need to emphasize the things such as cinema and going out. Your profile's quite heavy on topics some guys might see as heavy going (i.e. Literature and Philosophy), and while it's fine to mention those, it's good to mention the light-hearted things you do too.



Good luck :)

Answer 6

make ti shorter and but more stuff in like what u like in a boy

what you look like

just the stuff you have is extremely long

Answer 7

well, sound more out going